All I Can Do

Dear Father,

I am dying.

I’m losing heart; I’m losing my mind. My dreams are breaking before me.

The worst part is uncertainty. The worst part is wondering if it was me.

All this for a standstill. All this hype and my heart is left in two pieces. One piece says I failed – I was inadequate – The other piece says there’s still hope.

Is there still hope, Lord?

God, I see no better thing in all the world. Things beyond my wildest dreams are here; And honestly, God, I don’t see how You can top this. Yet, I can’t do anything without You; And if You’re not in this, I lose.

Lord, O Lord Almighty, Were You not in this before? Did You not ordain all this? Everything that was beyond my mind, Beyond my doing, Did You not provide it?

Then what is this, O God? Why these endless trials?

Oh, thank You for trials, Lord! I hate to say it, for my heart is heavy, But I know it is true and have seen You before.

“We glory in tribulations also: Knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; And experience, HOPE: And hope maketh not ashamed; Because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts By the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” – Romans 5:3b-5

Can You give me a chance to speak, God? I felt so helpless in a gridlock of uncertain rules. “May I do this? May I say that?” Can You give me wings to fly like I’ve flown before? I don’t want my heart to ache anymore. I was not free, Yet was it my fault?

I know nothing, Lord. I can only wait. Please let this dammed up flood of thoughts Come rushing out! I need an avenue where none has been.

Before, oh blessed before, where did you go? Then I could speak my deepest thoughts Without all the confusion in my mind. Then I was free to love and to laugh, To wait and to wish, to dream and to see. Before, oh blessed before, you cannot be gone forever!

Yet if it is so, what can I do? I am not perfect; Can You give me another chance? You are perfect; Would You give me one more dance?

Helpless I fall, where You found me before. Helpless I fell, when You opened this door. Do You open doors to slam them in my face? Or will this resolve to show Your wisdom and grace?

Is there still hope? Oh may it be true! I know there’s always hope in You. I trust You, God, though more scared than before. I trust You, God; It’s all I can do.

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