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Updated: Jul 1, 2023

Oh why should I sigh at another’s jubilance? Why should I weep as they break into song? Dancing on their merry way, Holding hands on this blessed day, While my heart is torn in shreds again.

Oh God, set me free. May this terrible tearing rip me from my shackles! May I live to see You and stop focusing on fables!

I do not deny I’ve been blind. I do not deny I’ve been tied down in so many ways When I thought this season my ties would break…

Oh, miserable, wretched man that I am! To push and sway to get my way, When the getting’s already been taken! To love and lose and try to choose A good path, But at long last, I’m defeated.

But I know You will brighten defeat, Though it gnaws at my teeth And grimaces the grin I once wore. Though sour is the taste, I know Your sweet grace Goes above the raging fountains I ignore. …Try to ignore.

I wanted to be free – Here’s my freedom, plain and pure! Though ugly is the day, Painted black with deepest stains, I’ll tread on, though falling is the theme.

Oh God, will You be alone with me?

I don’t want to see those dark faces, Smiling in their happy places, Grinning in a winning kind of way… It makes me wish my soul the better – To have what is not mine to tether; To wish upon a star that never shines.

Make my heart ache with intentensest groanings So that after I despise my loathings I’ll come out on the other side anew, No longer controlled by ill-placed desires That rage within me and exhaustedly tire My body wracked in sorrows on the floor. …Striving for more.

I don’t want to want more, God. I don’t want to need love. I just want to hear from You, God, And know that You’re enough.

Oh, tame this lion heart, God! Make me a humble child of Yours. Give me wholly to Your purpose. Help me to love when loving hurts.

And God, this hurts.

Who can I talk to? I have no one but You. Who can I run to? You pick me up in Your arms. …Revive my broken heart!

I don’t want to want more, God. I don’t want to need love. I just want to hear from You, God, And know that You’re enough.

Oh, please, be enough. Let the clamoring voices in silence fall as You speak:


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