Coming to your wit’s end is a terrible thing. But terror doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. I have grown up as one who values logic and reasoning. And I still do. Right now I am involved in a philosophy class which is really cool, learning about Socrates and Plato and Epicurus and all these philosophical people. But I learned something recently: (I’ve had hints of this thought throughout my life, but something about last night and today really made it click.) You don’t have to have logic for everything.
Now, some people are wired for logic, and they may think I’m insane (and they would be right). I love logic, too, but I have found out that I am not wired to use logic in every area of my life. I’ve tried – for a good 90% or so of my life – and it has done nothing but cause me pain and hinder blessings from other people. See, the way my brain works is I have a free-spirited side and a logical side. I’ll conjure up some idea and I’ll either A) act on it (my free-spirited side), or B) think about it (my logical side). The free-spirited part of my brain wants to step out into adventure and do whatever “feels right” as if by some innate sixth sense. But the logical part of my brain wants to dissect each thought and think about it sideways and backwards and upside-down to work all the kinks out of it – to make sure there are no sharks before I step in the water.
In the past, the logical part of my brain would practically always win – it’s just the way I was. I figured I might as well be certain about things before I do them. After all, what was the harm in that? Surely it could only make me more certain to success, right? But what would happen is logic would never lead me to do good things; it would only rationalize my ill behavior. It would tell me how ridiculous and impossible my good thoughts were and how comfortable and blessed it was to remain in the status quo – to stay inside my head. I never fully noticed this until essentially today and last night, though it has certainly also been a gradual awakening. I realized I was falling prey to the devil’s trap for me (or it might as well have been!) – the demon of logic.
Now I must stop and pause. I don’t at all mean to say that you can master your life by thinking or not thinking, for through this all it has been God’s hand at work in me. This time in my life has had the most Bible-reading and prayer than any other time in my life, I would dare say. I don’t mean that to say that I am anything but that God has been my everything; that in my weakness He has made me strong. Now I’ve heard that a million times, and a million times it has seemed to fail me. But all I can say is that God will make things clear to you, if you seek after Him with everything you’ve got – above family, above friends, above self, above money, above power, above fame, above all.
As Matthew 5:6 says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” And Matthew 10:37-39, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” We’ve got to be willing to give up everything for the great pursuit of knowing Jesus Christ! For in giving up everything, we will find that we have more than we ever could have dreamed to have before.
And I have many more thoughts that have been sustaining me. To that storehouse of thoughts God continually adds new treasures of wisdom and reminds me of old gems. But I cannot speak of everything. In passing, though, don’t be afraid to become invested in God – with your time, with your emotions, with your body. Think about these things. Rejoice in God. Don’t confine yourself to rejoicing only internally, but if God has truly made you happy as the things of this life can make you happy (the sight of an old friend, a pay-raise in your job, a kind word, a triumph in a sport or game, etc.) – if you are really happy and joyous because of God, you might as well show it: let a smile light upon your face, let a kind word be spoken to a friend (or an enemy), let your thoughts be of triumphal delight and victory in Christ. Let your hands raise in praise to our God, let your knees bow before His awesome presense.
I do not say these things as a command, but as a frightening (yet possibly freeing) suggestion. For our minds and our bodies are more closely connected than we may like to think. I have thought in the past that if things aren’t logical, like emotions or feelings, then they have no part (or at most but a carefully monitored part) in my life. Yet not everyone can live that way, for God has shaped us all differently, and I am such a one – one of the free-spirited ones. Give me logic and I will thank you, but when it comes to living out my life, sometimes you don’t have to know the ins and outs of why you feel as you feel or why you think as you think. There are the thinkers, and there are the dancers. The thinkers work out their plans and with caution plan each step, and somehow beyond my understanding they do so with great success. But the dancers think and move and breathe in tune with some mystical gut feeling beyond what they can logically discern, and logical discernment in the heat of the moment will only mess up their flow and stifle their lives. I love deep thinking, but when it comes to living out my life…
I am a dancer.
So it is that today is February 5th, 2011, the day life made sense.